How to Cook a Wolf

During downturns in the economy, I like to read Sara Ban Breathmach's Simple Abundance.  She wrote it during the downturn of the 90s and it's stilll valuable today. She refers to "How to Cook a Wolf" by M.F.K. Fisher who wrote that book during the food shortages of World War II.  How quickly we forget that "what goes up, must come down."  We don't make preparations for downturns.  It's as if we think "what goes up, will keep going up."  However, it's wise to prepare for a wolf at the door as part of our plan for the life of our dreams.  Ms. Fisher recommends outsmarting and catching the wolf at at the door and having it for supper.  In other words, expect and be prepared for downturns by living without extravagant indulgences - without even the longing for them.

Freedom from Expectations

This is a day late for Independence Day.  However, in the spirit of independence, I want to share that much of the feeling of bondage I used to have came from my expectations of how things are "supposed" to be.  In recovery groups, it's said that expectations are premeditated resentments.  My expectations kept me from spending time and energy on living the life of my dreams.

Here's the truth I've discovered - expectations come from my ego - my idea of how other people are supposed to behave.  When they don't behave the way I expect, I feel justified in being angry and feeling superior (my ego loves to feel superior).  Never in my life have I ever felt happy and peaceful while feeling superior.   I feel happy and peaceful when I let go of expectations, live from my heart rather than from my ego, and enjoy what is, moment by moment.

" Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise."  -Alice Walker

More on Changing Bad Habits

I'm not sure why changing habits is so hard for us human beings but it is.  I can't be the only one since if you Google "Changing Bad Habits to Good Ones" you will come up with a ton of advice.  When I do research I like to see what all of the advice posts have in common.  Here are some of the major ones that I can vouch for that work:

1.  Research your bad habits - when do you practice them, what do you do right before you practice them, what need are you trying to meet?  Most advice calls this researching your "triggers."  Triggers are what "triggers" the behavior.  For example, my overeating takes place in the evening when I'm not active.  It may be that I'm bored. 

2.  Choose something to replace the trigger and the habit.  Just stopping doing something doesn't work.  There has to be something positive to replace it that satisfies the need.  For example, I can replace my evening overeating with activity - maybe yoga, going for a walk, going out with friends.  Eventually, I may be able to stay home and watch t.v. without overeating, but practicing the replacements willl make it easier when the time comes

3.  Be consistent with using the replacement.  Much of the advice recommends a 30 day trial.  If you miss a day, start the 30 days over.

4.  Put some leverage into the new habit.  Try having people sponsor you - for every day you exercise, for every pound you lose, etc.  Give the money to your favorite charity.  Or vice versa:  Give a trusted friend a sum of money - enough that losing it would hurt.  You only get it back when you've completed the 30 days (consistently).

How to Change Your Bad Habits

Sometimes it seems to me that I have devoted my life to changing my habits.  I can't remember a time when I wasn't working on something, and as I've aged, I find the effort to live more delightfully and consciously immensely entertaining and rewarding.  In the beginning I tried to change out of ego and shame.  I thought I wasn't good enough and wanted to change so as to be able to approve of myself and get approval from other people.  Those motives never really helped me change.  As I've read and practiced and learned, I've found that creating a life of awareness and peace is much more motivating.  So here's a list of some of the ways that have helped me make positive changes in myself:

• Set goals with deadlines but only set goals that are so easy and simple you can't help but reach them.  Baby steps really work.
• Write goals down and look at them every day.
• Never, never, never, ever give up.
• Tell all the supportive people in your life what you're doing and report back to them.
• Find someone or more than one someone who has already made the change you're working on.  Ask them how they did it and do what they did.
• Prepare ahead of time.  If, for example, you want to eat more nutritiously, find receipes and buy the food.
• Expect to be uncomfortable.  Change is uncomfortable.  Make a plan for how you're going to deal with the discomfort.  Examples:  Get plenty of rest - change takes a lot of energy.  Read stuff that inspires you. 
• Expect to be imperfect.  Don't be a slacker but don't quit if you mess up.
• One of the reasons change is difficult is that our egos interpret it as criticism.  Remind yourself of why you're making the change.  Examples, to have more energy, to enjoy life more, to learn new things, to increase peace of mind.

These are just a few of the strategies that I've used that worked.  Do some research of your own.

How to Have a 25 Hour Day

I stole the above title from an email I get from an organization that provides information on health.  It's not the first time I've seen all the hints they published, but they are all things I always forget.  Of course, there are really only 24 hours in every day, but there are tons of ways to make those 24 hours go farther.  For example, if I make soup, I double the recipe and freeze the second portion.  That's one day I don't have to cook and cooking twice as much is only a tiny bit more time consuming than making the original recipe.  I only check email and Facebook twice a day.  I don't drive to the car wash - I just soap my car up when it rains and let the rain rinse it.  (If there's no rain, I just use the hose.)  I do all my errands at once.  (Saves time in running from one place to the next every day).  I return calls once a day.  I ask for help a lot.  People who come to visit are usually asked to help me with something.  (I keep a list of stuff I need help with.)  I open the mail as soon as I carry it in and throw out all the stuff that doesn't require action.  There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of web sites that give ideas for time savers.  If you feel pressed for time, look them up and use the ones that fit for you.

Checking Up on Yourself

Maybe you're like me; maybe you're not.  But the life of my dreams always eluded me because I forgot what it was and what I intended to do to get it.  The daily tasks and events of life completely distracted me from the big picture.  I started reading books on organization because I kept running out of time and couldn't get everything done.  What I learned from those books was that life was not about getting everything done; it was about getting the stuff done that would get me to the life of my dreams. 

The major thing was to get down in writing what I wanted (from my heart; not my ego).  Then that piece of paper needed to be in front of me every day when I made my to-do list for the day.  We're getting closer to the end of May, the 5th month.  So in another month and a week, we'll be half way through the year.  I know where my piece of paper is - it's in the front of my journal where I look at it every day.  Do you know where yours is?  I hope so because if you don't know, there's a good chance you've not been including the things that will get you to the life of your dreams on your to-do list.  So, it's not too late.  Before July 1 - the official halfway point of the year - best get that piece of paper and get going!

The "Not-To-Do" and the "Done" Lists

A whole lot of people make to-do lists.  Personally I hate them even though I make them.  I have a very hyperactive brain and I can think of way more stuff to do than I could possibly do.  My ego thinks I should do everything immediately which used to lead to my feeling frantic, fearful, and feverish.  Then I learned about the not-to-do and the done lists. 

The not-to-do list consists of the stuff I know perfectly well I will not be able to get to today and that don't matter anyway.  Sometimes the stuff on this list is carried over for years.  Sometimes I eventually completely forget about those items.  Every once in awhile after ten years or so, it will be time to take care of them and they make it to the real to-do list and get checked off.  This is extremely rare. 

The done list is the one I make at the end of each day so that I don't go to bed thinking that I got nothing accomplished (which is what my ego tells me, attempting to motivate me to do more the next day).  The done list is part of my daily journaling and helps me keep track of how I'm doing with my priorities. 

My mother used to say all the time that what she wanted was a day with more than 24 hours.  I know now that if I had a day with more than 24 hours, I would just have a longer to-do list.  So I rely on the not-to-do and done lists to keep me sane.