Working Backward

Well, here we are with the beginning of 2010 almost here. I don't know about you, but I am determined that this will be the best year of my life! I've been saying this every year for quite awhile, and so far, it has been true. Maybe it wouldn't look that way from the outside, but it's always been true for me on the inside. I've had a huge number of challenges in my life in the last few years that were daunting to say the least. However, I've had an amazing amount of help and I've learned critically important things I would never have learned otherwise. I've learned that no matter how difficult the journey looks, it is still possible to set goals, reach them, enjoy life, love people, receive love, and contribute to others.

A few years ago, I heard the famous Arkansas Coach Broyles talk about the journey he and his daughter and daughter-in-law took in caring for his wife who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Of course, like most families, the diagnosis was devastating and for awhile they were all in grief. Ultimately, though, like any good coach, Coach Broyles set a goal for himself and his family: they decided to learn all they could about the disease and caregiving so that they could become the best caregivers possible.

I was struck by their focused effort on learning and doing their best in the face of a huge life-changing challenge. They really enjoyed their journey and their achievements - which were measured by the fact that Mrs. Broyles' journey with the disease was, for the most part, happy and contented, rather than the fear, distress and acting out that many people with Alzheimer's experience. I've heard similar stories from other caregivers that impacted me too.

Of course, in these past few years, I've been the one cared for in many ways. I knew to appreciate and be deeply grateful for the help I've received. I've also discovered that the best way I know to give back is to learn and grow with my experiences so that I can share what I learn. So, I'm going to take all that I've learned and use it to make 2010 the best year of my life - this time I intend to have it show on the outside too!

Some of the things I've learned that will be used: It's not possible to do anything without the knowledge to do it. I've learned a lot of new things like how to use a wheelchair, walkers, crutches and a cane. I've learn to re-train my brain to do the things it used to do but forgot with injury. Plus it's not possible to do anything without support from other people. Truly - you can't do it alone. The discovery I'm going to be using first is that it's impossible to get where you're going without knowing where that is. So, first of all, I will be deciding where I want to be in a year. By working backward from that point, I will know what steps I will take to get there.

Goals

It's getting close to the goal setting time of the year. We can forget about New Year's Resolutions since the one thing that's true about them is that almost no one actually follows through. So, why is is that we don't follow through? What keeps us stuck? Here's what I think:

1) Our daily lives interfere. We already have our days crammed full, and we don't take the time to think about what we can eliminate to make room for new activities.
2) We make resolutions that are what we think we SHOULD change rather than what we truly want to change. Therefore, there's no real excitement about the results we would get from making the changes. No real motivation.
3) We don't make a plan for how we're going to do them. If we're going to do something new; something challenging, it's not going to happen without a plan.
4) We try to do it all alone, without any help from anyone. A lot of us keep our challenges a secret so we won't be embarrassed if we fail - which, of course, sets us up to fail.
5) We want results quickly and give up if we don't get them quickly. Any plan we make needs to include plans for keeping our motivation high over the long haul.
6) We want perfection and so give up right away when we don't do things perfectly. But that's how learning something new works. We make mistakes; we learn.

Instead of making a list of New Year's resolutions on January 1, let's start now thinking about what we really want for next year and begin planning for how we're going to get it.

Substituting

I know for a fact that in order to create the life of my dreams I have to eliminate some things from my daily life so that I have time and space to take the actions that will create a new life. Usually I identify some things I consider "bad habits" and decide to eliminate those. Time and again I discover that it's easier said than done - eliminating bad habits, that is. There are always reasons why I have those "bad habits." When I try to get rid of them, I find it a very painful process. Finally I've learned that in order to get rid of them, I have to find the reasons why I have them - the purpose they serve for me. Usually it's necessary for me to find a substitute that meets my needs but in a better way.

And then one day...

And then one day you wake up and you're 90 years old. That could happen, you know. That is, of course, if you get caught up in the dailiness of life and forget that you were creating the life of your dreams. The truth is, in order to create the life of your dreams, it will be necessary to fit the activities necessary to create it, in with washing the dishes, combing your hair, taking the dog out, taking the kids to their ballgames..... So, what's your plan for that? So that you don't wake up one day and you're 90 and it's a little late for creating the life you wanted and what you've done with your life is do the dishes, etc.

More on Support

I used to think "support" meant having plenty of people I could call and complain to. I had lots of that and I spent a lot of hours on the phone telling my tales of woe. Gradually I began to notice that my life was not getting better. Thanks to mentors I've had along the way, I've learned that talking about problems only gives a few minutes of relief. For my life to change, I have to change and part of that change is getting support that encourages me to make the changes necessary to improve my life.

Support

I heard Cheryl Richardson (author of books like, Take Time for Your Life), say that the single greatest thing that really makes a difference as to whether you create the life of your dreams or whether you don't, is support - support from other people or even just one person. These folks will need to be positive people who will encourage you. AND if you can find people who have or are succeeding at what you are trying to accomplish, so much the better.

It's worth making a list of the people you know and seeing if any of them qualify. If you don't find anyone, it's time to look for people you don't know. You can join groups of people who are working toward similar goals - for example, if you are working toward being a writer, there are lots of writer groups. In addition, you could hire a coach, (like myself for example), to assist you in staying motivated and focused. Lots of support is available. Never try to create the life of your dreams without it!