More on I can't because.....

Another really good excuse for not having what we want is, "I don't have the money." Of course, whatever it is that we want will require limited resources, just like time is a limited resource. However much money we have or don't have isn't the real issue. There are plenty of people out there in the world who have what I'm wanting and who didn't have the money either. How did they do it? Well, for starters they didn't make excuses. They decided to go after what they wanted and put their creative brains to work on the barriers.

What Do You REALLY Want?

I don't know about you, but I learned from a very early age that what I should want was: 1) To be popular with the other kids - popularity was almost the most important thing in life. 2) To be a boss of some kind when I grew up - it was better to tell other people what to do than to be told what to do. 3) To make a lot of money because then I could do whatever I wanted and other people would look up to me (to be looked up to = popular). 4) To look as beautiful as possible so that I would be admired (= popular). 5) To be educated because I would be looked up to and have a job where I could tell other people what to do and would make a lot of money. 6) To marry somebody from a "good" family (educated, money and status), that had a good job and lots of money (=popular). 7) To have a "nice" house, car, clothes, etc. so that people would look up to me and admire me (=popular). A "lot of money" was never defined so whatever you had, you had to keep getting more.

I set out in life to go after all those things, but nothing ever felt right. I thought I was just doing it badly, and I felt fearful and guilty. But you know what? I don't believe those goals would have made me happy even if I had acheived them. At my advanced age (joke) now, I have known quite a number of people who acheived those goals - every single one of them - and were a lot less happy than I was. So, the life of my dreams has very little to do with any of those goals. The life of my dreams is dreamed from my heart and has much more to do with love, peace, courage, fun, kindness and living in the now.

When I listen to people talk, they are often talking about those goals and I feel so sad because I don't believe they will be happy even if they reach every one.

Who do you want to be?

In order for me to have the life of my dreams, I need to be the person who is capable of making that happen. Who is that? Is that me? If the answer is "no," does that mean that I'm not recognizing my worth? Or does it mean that I am in need of improvement? Probably it's some of both. A lot of my improvement will come from making the attempt to create the life of my dreams. If I feel unworthy, but still make the life of my dreams my goal, the part of me that wants the best for me will make it possible for me to grow into the person I want to be, as well as recognize the beauty of who I am right now.

I can't because....

Since I work with people who want to make changes in their lives, I have heard a lot of statements that they think are reasons and I think are just excuses. My favorite one is, "I don't have time." In fact, I've used that one a lot myself. What that really means is that I haven't made whatever it is a priority. What's sad is that what replaces the activity that would change my life, is usually something like mindless t.v. Actually, everyone has the same amount of time: 24 hours a day. It's annoying to those of us who think we don't have time to exercise to look at Michelle and Barak. Both of them look to be in great shape and from what I hear they get up extra early and put in the time to exercise. Hmmm. Exactly what would I be doing that would be more important than what they're doing? What could be more important than creating the life of my dreams?

What If?

What if the first thing we did every morning was to think about what we could do that day that would be so enjoyable we would remember the day forever? Why not? And, of course, whatever we thought of, we would do.

Comfort or Progress?

When I used to think about the life of my dreams, I would think about all the things wrong with my life. Of course, then I would feel terrible - discouraged, down on myself, angry about how life was treating me, etc. I definitely did not feel like taking any action. So, I looked for ways to distract myself from my crummy feelings - television, reading, eating, talking on the phone, etc. etc. etc. Sure enough I would forget about the whole thing, go to sleep and start the process over again the next day . Certainly no progress was made.

What I finally learned was that the way to the life of my dreams - is and always will be - to focus on what I wanted instead of what I didn't want. This is a whole lot harder, by the way, than focusing on the negative. It may just be the way my brain works. It's always easier for me to complain than to decide what I want. However, putting in the time, energy and work to decide what I want in each area of my life has paid off in amazing and incredible ways. Sometimes I am just shocked at how ignorant I am about what is in my heart. Once I see and understand what I truly want, I am excited and ready to take the action necessary to get what I want.

The Rules

One of the first things we learn from the time we are very, very little is what the rules are. Most of us are pretty quick to figure out what will get us attention and what our caregivers want. All of that learning stays with us even when we're adults so that when we try to think about the life of our dreams, we are often thinking about what our parents and other caregivers wanted us to want. But in order to have the life of our dreams, we really have to sort out which thoughts come from our early learning and which come from our hearts as we are now. There might be - and probably is - a big difference. Sometimes the best way to sort it out is to try out some things, either in real life or in imagination and just see how we really think and feel. For example, since I was always encouraged to read as a child, I might think the life of my dreams would include being a librarian. But if I went to the library and spent several hours there watching what the librarians do, I would notice they don't have that much interaction with people and they don't sit and read. Oops. Probably being a librarian isn't going to match with the life of my dreams.

Twitter

I haven't signed up for Twitter yet. I don't even have a Facebook page or a website. But these things are transforming our world and I want to be a part of them. So.... despite my lagging computer skills, I'm going forward. If I understand correctly, Twitter is based on the question, "what are you doing?" I'm not sure I really want to know what everyone I know and a number of people I don't know are doing at the moment. I'm fairly sure that no one I know is actually going to want to know what I'm doing. However, the question is a good one - what are you doing? There are some important follow up questions: Is what you're doing related to the life of your dreams? If not, why not? Is there some way that you could make it relate? For example, I just fixed my lunch. How is that related to the life of my dreams. Well, I had sauteed spinach and mushrooms, a hardboiled egg and a glass of orange juice. The life of my dreams includes good health and when I decided what to eat, I was thinking about that. You might be surprised at how easy it is to use focusing on the life of your dreams to order your daily tasks.