Homecoming

How do you feel when you walk in the door of your home?  Do you sigh with relief and comfort?  That's the way it should be.  Where else are you going to go for comfort and refuge?  If you don't feel that way, maybe making that so could be the first of the goals you set for creating the life of your dreams. 

The next question is, "What would it take for you to sigh with relief and comfort when you come in your door?"  For me the answer often was - someone to clean my house and get rid of all the clutter.  I finally surrendered and got help with keeping my house clean and with getting rid of clutter.  Most of the time I'm satisfied with the degree of cleanliness and order in my home now.  It probably wouldn't pass inspection by someone who has higher standards than I do for cleanliness and order, but I set my own standards with the goal of comfort and refuge and higher standards would not help me reach those goals.  I don't want to come in the door and start criticizing my home and feel the stress of demanding myself to clean and de-clutter. 

What are some other things that might make your home a comforting refuge?  Comfortable places to sit, good lighting, a bedroom with soothing colors, a kitchen with a clear and convenient workspace, scented candles, fresh flower, beautiful music?  It's worth the time to walk through your house and think about how you could make each room more welcoming and comfortable.   I'm NOT talking about redecorating and all the money, time and effort that would cost.  I'm talking about creating order, putting furniture in places where it will provide more comfort, adding plants, lighting candles, turning on music.  Why not set aside a little time and have fun with it?

Your Calling

"The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time."


— Mary Oliver

What is your creative power?  Everyone has creative power.  So don't say that you don't have any.  Ask yourself, "What is your creative power and how is it restive and uprising?"  When will you give it power and time?  If not now, when?  At the end of your life will you regret not giving it your power and attention?

Clutter

In all the research I've read about creating the life of your dreams, I haven't seen a thing about tidiness.  However, getting rid of clutter seems to crop up everywhere - on television, books, magazines, etc.  It makes me wonder if tidiness should have been part of the research on happiness.  Of course, I don't mean the compulsive, harsh, obessive effort to have everything perfect at all times.  It's been my observation that that way of being doesn't promote happiness.  Instead it seems to promote stress, frantic activity, and anger at anybody who interferes with the program. 

What I mean by tidiness is that there's some place to put things away so that things that don't have a home don't pile up and disturb me everytime I see them.  Usually when the "piles" appear in my life, it means I have a lot of trouble finding things I want.  So then there are two sources of disturbance.  Also there's the feeling I have when I'm at home that I can't relax since I know I really need to clean up the "piles."  Over the years I've learned to include these tasks on my to-do list so that I create a home for those things that are just sitting around.  Periodically, I donate things I no longer need to good causes.

I still have little piles of books and magazines here and there, but those are things that give me pleasure when I look at them.

Stress

Making changes is stressful even when the changes will bring us closer to the life of our dreams.  So, managing stress is vital to being able to take the necessary steps to change. 

First of all, we need to check out our foundations - are we getting enough sleep, eating an enjoyable and nutritious diet, taking time to have fun and relaxation?  If not, that's the best place to start in making changes. 

Next, have we taken the time to think about why we want to make the changes?  What is the end result we want?  Is it REALLY what we want?  If not, our stress levels will be extremely high when taking the steps toward change.  Who wants to work hard to make changes when we don't feel thrilled about the end result?

How about the rest of our lives?  Are there people and events that are adding stress?  If so, those may need our attention before everything else.

Finally, are our expectations of ourselves realistic?  Are we expecting ourselves do to more than is needed on a daily basis?  It's not the life of our dreams if we're overextended and miserable on the way there. 

Home

No matter whether you're a girl or a boy (although girls tend to pay more attention to this), home is still where you go after everything else.  An essential part of the life of our dreams is home.  I hope that home is our refuge, that we love everything about it, that we give home the importance that it needs for it to be our favorite place to go after everything else.

Rest

I don't believe that life is supposed to be about ceaseless activity, about getting things done, about getting to a goal as fast as possible.  I believe that life is supposed to be about enjoying everything, about a balance between rest and activity.  There's a natural flow to life that we really don't have the power to change.  If we resist we just make ourselves crazy and exhausted.  Martha Beck, a well-known life coach and author, recommends resting when we're the most stressed.  Of course, that's going to be easier said than done so she has a list of things to do:

- Sit down.
- Mentally scan your body and mind for the places where you have the most stress.
- Put your whole attention on those places, one-by-one.
- While your attention is on them, think the word, "relax."  Notice what happens.
- After a minute or two, think the word, "rest."  Offer it to your tired feet, your hurting back, your  
  broken  heart. Say to yourself, "I am resting now for my feet, my back, my heart."

This exercise should be done off and on throughout the day.  Without frequent rest, we are not even going to notice the life of our dreams!