Speak Peace in a World of Conflict

There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that creating the life of our dreams is more about our relationships with other people than anything else.  If I achieve all my goals, am amazingly successful, world-famous, wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, and surrounded by admirers, but am lonely and/or at odds with the people closest to me, none of what I've achieved will matter to me.  My wish for us all is to spend at least as much time studying all the GOOD (be careful; not all information is true or good) information we can find about how to have happy, loving friendships - with partners if we have them, our children if we have them, our parents if they're still around, brothers and sisters if we have them, co-workers, bosses, people we supervise, people we serve in our jobs (all jobs serve someone), the people of our communities, organizations we belong to and most of all our friends.

What I've observed in the time I've been observing - which is quite awhile, by the way - is that what most of us do is, by some process we don't even really think about, decide what "the rules" should be and try to get everyone on the planet to follow our rules.  So far, almost no one seems to have figured out that this doesn't work.  Those other people are trying to get us to follow THEIR rules.  So there's constant conflict everywhere, all the time.  Sit in a restaurant sometime and just listen to the conversations around you - it's likely what you will hear is conflict, complaining, blaming, criticizing.  Nobody is getting their way and they are not happy.

If I were to start a crusade - and I've already done enough of that in my life so I probably won't - I'd preach peace in a world of conflict.  In fact, what do you know?  That's a title of a book by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. about non-violent communication.  In the Introduction, Dr. Rosenberg says,  "For most of us the process of bringing about peaceful change begins with working on our own mindsets, on the way we view ourselves and others, on the way we get our needs met.  This basic work is in many ways the most challenging aspect of speaking peace because it requires great honest and openness, developing a certain literacy of expression, and overcoming deeply ingrained learning that emphasizes judgment, fear, obligation, duty, punishment and reward, and shame."

The focus of the book is on making life more wonderful - for both ourselves and others.  Dr. Rosenberg believes, and so do I, that we were created to be lovers and givers and that we are naturally compassionate - happiest when we love, give and are compassionate.  I know it appears that there are a lot of people who enjoy making other people suffer, but I suspect that's because they don't feel worthy and no one is giving them love - or not enough, at least.  I know, I know - that makes me some kind of bleeding heart. But consider  how things are going with the other way of doing things?  What have we got to lose by trying something different?  Unless, of course, our relationships are already peaceful and loving and perfect or we actually do love conflict.

My recommendation is that we just study this information and try it out as an experiment.  Nothing is lost by experimenting with new behavior.  Maybe it will help us get the life of our dreams.