More on "Speaking Peace in a World of Conflict"
How many of us have had the experience of learning a new way to communicate - and with the best of intentions changed our approach but still expected to get our way? I know it's happened to me a whole lot of times. If I've asked you nicely, you're supposed to do what I want, right? I remember being told by my husband and my oldest daughter, that I always asked nicely, but they knew there would be hell to pay if they didn't comply. So... that's a demand, not a request. If you know I'm going to hurt you if you don't do what I want, it doesn't matter how sweetly I ask. Nothing about that suggests non-violence, does it?
To get past this, I remember that the point of my communication is to make life more wonderful for BOTH of us, not to get my way. The mom who wants her daughter to clean her room envisions a life where she, herself, will have to clean the room if she makes a request rather than a demand. That's not necessarily so. It misses the point though. The point is to make life more wonderful for both of them and to give both of them a chance to be happy through returning to their real natures - the desire to be compassionate and to contribute to other's well being. By making a request, rather than a demand, the mom is giving her daughter that opportunity. If they have a history of a circle of demands, resistance, conflict, etc., it's going to take more than a little while for her daughter to quit believing that mom is making a demand. Mom must really mean it when she says she is just as interested in her daughter's needs as her own and she's going to have to prove it.
But wait! Isn't a parent supposed to teach orderliness, responsibility, obedience to authority, etc.? Well, there are some questions about that - like: Is teaching from the position of power where punishment is the power the best way to teach? Is obedience to authority always a good thing? Could some of these things be more effectively taught by example? Would teaching through appealing to the joy of giving be more effective?
Empowerment enhances the ability of individuals or organizations to make choices and transform those choices into positive outcomes. Empowered people have recognized their own value and strength and their capacity to handle life's problems. In turn they are better able to influence the course of their lives. With information and support, most people can find within themselves the power to direct their lives and reach their dreams.
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