Thursday, July 23, 2009

Making a Map

"Don't just generalize about what you wish to achieve. Don't just have a vague idea about where you would like to go. Make your goals vivid, clear and precise.

Whether you are traveling around the block or across the ocean, your destination is always a single, specific point. The only way you can reach that point is by clearly and unambiguously defining where it is.

The same is true for every destination you seek to reach, whether it is a place, a person, an object or a set of conditions. When the goal is clear and specific, filled in your mind with all the color, the texture, the sounds and the feelings, you'll surely be able to work your way there. For each detail you envision provides you with an additional pathway to your goal."

- Ralph Marston


So, let's say you think your goal is: I want to lose weight. Okay, but how much weight? Is one pound enough? Probably not. Do you mind if it takes until you're 80? Probably you do. Why do you want to lose weight? For me it's always because I want to look prettier. I know, I know, I'm supposed to want to do it to be healthier. I do want to be healthier. If I'm going to live a long time, I don't want to live in a nursing home in a wheelchair because I'm so overweight I can't walk. But really and truly I just want to look prettier. That's what I really want. So, maybe I mean that I also want to develop some muscles too. Maybe in my heart my real goal is that I want to look good naked. I'm not sure why. Maybe just that walking by the mirror after my shower when I'm not in shape is not a exactly a superb experience. It's important to know why as well as what. In the next post, I'll give some examples of how.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Setting Goals

Setting goals is a process pretty much like anything else in life. There are several areas to look at because setting goals in isolation from each other is not only not helpful but can actually cause trouble. What if you decide you want to go back to school and get an advanced degree but have not looked at how that will fit with your relationships, health, career, and finances. Hmmm. Not good. So, each area of your life needs your attention and careful thought about what you really want. Besides those areas already mentioned, you may want to think about your spirituality, quality of life, self-esteem, and others that are particularly important to you. Don't overwhelm yourself. I used to make so many goals I had to have a three ring binder to put them all in. Needless to say I didn't accomplish any of them - I don't even remember what they were. So, keeping it simple is key. In a later post I'll give some generic examples.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Robot or Sentient Being?


Sentient = conscious. I know, I know. You don't believe you could possibly be unconscious or a robot. But there's no escaping from the truth. If you don't have goals that you've spent time in choosing and that are written down, you are pretty much a robot with a long way to go before you can become sentient. I don't know about you but walking around in a fog without much of an idea as to where I'm going isn't my idea of the way to live my life.

It's fine with me if you would rather wander, but trying to be empowered without being conscious just isn't possible. Sorry but those are the choices - 1) be a robot or 2) have some real goals. I'm not talking about the kind of goals where you hope/wish/think about maybe someday you could.....I'm talking about the kind where you write down a specific thing that you really, really want and put a date when you will get it beside it. Following the date, a real goal has action steps or things you will do to get what you want. You look at those action steps every day and take action every day. On your to-do list for each day, along with taking the clothes to the cleaners, is an action that will get you closer to what you want.

A lot of people are just not happy with all this structure. They say they don't want to be tied down. That they need to "go with the flow." Okay. Fine. So, change the goal and the action steps and the date too if you need or want to. Setting goals is not a rigid commitment that you can never change your mind about. After all you're the person who said this was something you really, really wanted and that you didn't want to just wait and see if it would happen by accident. (It won't) Just remember you decided to be a sentient (conscious) being rather than a robot!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Stick with the Winners

When I was first in recovery, they told me to "stick with the winners." They meant hang out with the people who had more recovery than I did and that were truly "walking the walk" rather than just "talking the talk." It took me a little while to figure out who these people were. At first I thought they were the people who had been around the longest. But then I discovered people who were new but had been around a little longer than I had were also "winners." I got some fabulous insight from some of those folks that truly saved my sanity. Since then I've discovered that sticking with the winners works for pretty much everything. If I want to be successful at something, finding people who are successful at the same type of thing is key. I don't need to blindly follow their advice; everyone is different. But they are going to share their experience and that's a thousand times more useful than what I can think up, read or get from people who don't have successful experiences.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Wake Up!!!

I could give you many posts regarding how to get organized, how to set goals, and on and on and on, and I will do that in future posts. But as Stephen Covey put it - what if the ladder you're climbing toward a goal is up against the wrong building? The truth is that most of our actions on a day to day basis are unconscious. We aren't choosing what we do at a conscious level - we may be acting out things that we may have learned as children but have never thought about again as adults, or maybe we've formed habits that at one time were useful but are useless to us now. But every action we take has meaning not just for today but for the rest of our lives. If you've ever wondered why there are things you want for your life but you haven't done what would be necessary for those things to manifest, the answer probably is that you haven't had the time. Your time is taken up with all these unconscious behaviors. Here's an assignment that will help - spend one day just taking notes about what you are doing. Every hour stop and write down what you did in the hour before. The next day take a look at your notes and ask yourself what motivated you to take those particular actions and when you made the choice to do them. You will be amazed at how many hours you were just operating on unconscious habit.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Who am I?


To have the life of my dreams, is to first know who I really am. That knowledge only comes with consistent self-examination that's free from self-hate and criticism of myself that is non-productive. All the self-criticism in the world will not help me fulfill my dream life. I believe that my dream of life was given me by the force for good in the universe that created and sustains me. How will I know if it's the right dream? By trying it out in my imagination. For example, I may find that I am not going to be living the life of my dreams if I focus on getting more and more money. Sufficient money to meet my needs will be needed but I may find that being with people that I love is more important. Maybe that old adage - "It is more blessed to give than receive." is actually true. Spend a little time each day dreaming!