Knowing What I Really Want

We are living in a world that operates almost completely in the left part of our brains - the part that handles language and reasoning.  Very little of our lives uses the right brain - the emotional side, the intuitive side, and creative side.  Quite a number of scientific studies show that satisfaction and contentment lie in the right side of the brain which we don't seem to use at all in deciding what the life of our dreams would be like.  Our world has told us that more money and stuff will make us happy, but a lot of us are beginning to suspect that we're being lied to so that we will work harder and buy more stuff and make some other folks richer.

According to those studies, loving relationships with people; using our creativity; taking care of our bodies; helping others; companion pets; and cultivating kindness, gratitude and optimism are the things that universally make people happy.  I would add that most people seem to greatly benefit from spending time outside enjoying things that were not made by people.

I've spent a lot of time and energy cultivating all those things and have found that by doing so I've increased my happiness a hundred times over.  I hightly recommend that strategy compared to getting more stuff!

What if...

Goals are nice.  Sometimes they really move us toward the life of our dreams.  Other times, when we achieve them, we realize we still don't have the life of our dreams.  Or we don't do what's needed to reach the goal and we feel like failures and mentally kick ourselves.  Not the best way to get to the life of our dreams. 

It's been said that the purpose of all our efforts is to be happy at home.  The first time I saw that in print, it stopped me in my tracks.  I thought that it could not be possible that that was the purpose of all my efforts.  I tried to refute it but couldn't.  At that point in my life my home was just a "pit stop" where I ate and slept and then ran out the door to get to the next task.  I kind of resented having to clean the place, change the sheets and towels, etc.  It seemed to me that those chores got in the way of my "real life."

The more I thought about it, the more I thought that being happy at home was a worthwhile goal.  Why else did I go to work every day and run all those errands?  Maybe creating a home where I was happy could be a priority!

Christmas is over...

Christmas is over.  So how do we feel about that?  Are we sad because we had such a wonderful time?  Or are we relieved because now we can slow down and relax.  Some super organized people and some devotees of simplicity suggest that now is the perfect time to start planning next year's holidays.  Maybe we could decide now how we want them to be and start now making plans for that to happen.  Of course, we don't have complete control of things like weather, accidents, illnesses, people losing jobs, etc. that can drastically change everything, but we could begin to develop a general idea of what the best part of the holidays is for us.  For some it's the food.  For some it's family and friends.  For some it's parties.  Whatever our favorite part is, maybe we could spend some time thinking about how we could reduce the difficulties and increase what we love.  We may have more power over how things go than we think!

Emotion

I recently read that emotion is much stronger than rationality, and I know it to be true.  Working toward the life of our dreams is fraught with the pitfalls of too much emotionality and too much rationality.  Our emotions tell us about the dreams of our hearts and our rationality tells us how to get there.  It's not that simple, though.  Underneath all that are the buried sorrows, fears and disappointments that can derail our plans.  So, often, the journey to the life of our dreams has to take side trips to discover the burial grounds for past pain lest it permanently derail the trip.  Professional help of the right kind can be key to the process.

It's Almost Here

Christmas is almost here - ready or not.  Us women usually are the ones who "make Christmas."  Standards (that we made up) are getting higher and higher.  If something we do one year is a big hit, it's a tradition and we have to do it every year, right? 

Every year some people write articles about how it's crazy to spend the days before Christmas rushing around in circles, wearing ourselves out to get everything perfect - does anyone listen?  The older I got, the less I was physically, emotionally, and mentally capable of doing it all.  One year I was out in a snow storm buying food for a party on Christmas Eve that almost no one came to because of the snow storm.  Something kind of crazy about that. 

I'm celebrating Christmas again this year - like many others in the recent past - celebrating the spirit of love.  There are some gifts but I bought them with my cash back from my credit card.  None of them are wrapped - they're in boxes and bags.  For a lot of the people that I don't know well that I wanted to give gifts to, I gave cash and Christmas socks.  The cash was a big hit!

And the Christmas miracle for me is that I don't feel guilty!

Create a New Kind of Christmas

Why not come up with some ideas for a different kind of Christmas dinner.  Maybe you can cook a turkey or a ham and have non-traditional accompaniments.  You could have only fresh fruit or only fresh vegetables.  Have a whole bunch of them - some you've never tried before.  Add some bakery bread - whole wheat.  For one thing the prep will be easier and for another you won't have a stomach ache after you eat.

Turn off the television and radio during Christmas week or at least during Christmas day.  Don't read the newspaper.  Just listen to beautiful music and relax.

Declare a moratorium on gossip during the holidays.  Starting on December 1st, don't discuss anyone who isn't in the room.  Don't declare the moratorium to anyone but yourself.  Just leave the room politely if anyone starts gossiping.

Don't bring any work home during Christmas week.

Sit down and just listen to anyone talking to you.

First thing each morning and the last thing each night, step outside and notice the outdoor world.  Count your blessings.

Easy, Thoughtful Gift Ideas

I love the idea that gifts can be consumable services like:  Tickets to a movie; a day at the museum; a  home-delivered meal; a gift certificate for a massage; a professional housekeeper for a day; an evening of babysitting; skill sharing like music lessons, singing lessons, computer advice; pet sitting; gift certificate for a facial; golf lessons; a day at a spa.  Thinking about the people I love, I can see how I might make a gift of the kind of help I can give.  Wouldn't this be a nice change from giving "stuff?"