Disappointments, Mistakes, Setbacks and Other Disasters

Guess what - you are going to run into problems on the way to the life of your dreams and even after you've acheived the life of your dreams, there will be difficulties.  On the way to an important appointment, you'll run over something in the street and blow a tire.  You'll fall in love with someone who isn't who she/he says he/she is.  You'll make a mistake and lose an important client.  You'll get the flu right in the middle of a much anticipated cruise.  Getting the life of your dreams will not mean smooth sailing all the time. 

So - what to do?  Recent research suggests that happy people who are living the life of their dreams aren't bothered very much by "disasters."   They make use of them.  They learn from them.  They look for the gifts in them.  They look to see if they need to make changes in their lives.  They learn to "go with the flow" instead of expecting everything to go well all the time.  They try to find the fun in everything. 

I saw an Oprah show several years ago about people who were turning disasters into good experiences as best they could.  One woman had been diagnosed with cancer and was having chemo.  She knew she was going to lose her hair.  So her husband, her friends and she went to the barber shop and they all had their heads shaved.  Her friends took turns taking her to chemo. They chose books they wanted to read and whichever friend took her to chemo read to her while she was having it and if she was sick they kept reading.  This plan turned a difficult experience in an opportunity to share with her friends.  Of course, having cancer and chemo isn't fun, but planning enjoyment along with difficulty sure makes things a lot better! 

I hope none of us has to deal with cancer and the setbacks are only such things as flat tires, but the same principle applies.  Why not find ways to enjoyment no matter what?

Theme Song

Here are the lyrics to a song performed by Lee Ann Womack that could be our theme song on our journey to the life of our dreams:

I hope you hever lose your sense of wonder; get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger.  May you never take one single breath for granted; God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed. 

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.  Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance; I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance. livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin.'  Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth making'.  Don't let some broken heart leave you bitter; when you come close to sellin' out...reconsider.  Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance; I hope you dance.

When Nothing is Going Right

You had a flat tire on the way home from work. You put clothes in the washer before you went to bed and when you got up the washing machine had not washed them. The cat threw up right in the middle of the living room rug and everyone coming and going stepped in it and tracked it everywhere. The phone calls you made to get your project started came to nothing. Either they weren't interested or they just didn't call back. So...perhaps it's a sign from the universe that it's time for you to take a break. Get some extra sleep. Eat a bunch of vegetables and fruit. Read a book that's an easy read. Go to a light-hearted movie. I read somewhere once that when nothing is going right, it's the universe trying to distract us because something wonderful is about to happen and it doesn't want us to interfere!

The Shadow

I hope you know that all of us have a shadow side and that that side of us does not want us to have the life of our dreams. This shadow has been called a lot of things - the gremlin, the judge, the parasite, etc., but it's the part of us that incessantly criticizes us, puts us down, discourages us, and makes us believe there's no way we could ever have the life of our dreams. A lot of us are unconscious of this side of ourselves - well, it's not really part of us in the sense that the shadow is the real us. It grew in us (like a parasite) through what we heard as children. Some of us think it is our conscience, but that definitely is not the case.

The first thing we need to do to deal with the shadow is to become aware of it. When you feel stuck, go inside and listen to your thoughts. What are you telling yourself? It may help you to distinguish the shadow from other thoughts to just pick out the put-downs and discouraging words. Take a good look and notice that there's no truth to them. Of course we are all imperfect, but there's no way you should believe what the shadow is telling you. Substitute truth such as, "I can do this." "I deserve this."

Keep working at becoming aware of the shadow thoughts that are holding you back and learn to fight back. You can and will have the life of your dreams!