I used to think that how you got rid of a bad habit was that you just stopped. Slam on the brakes. Try to avoid the whiplash. Then get out of the old car, get a new car and drive a different direction.
For the first half of my life that was the method I tried over and over. It did NOT work. Some other driver seemed to be driving my car. I felt like a loser. The more I tried the method and it didn't work, the more I was sure I was a loser. I found myself back in the old car like a night terror. New Year's Resolutions, daily resolutions - nothing but failure.
Only in these new years have I finally found resources so I could learn about how to get rid of a bad habit. It's not that I didn't dig but what I found didn't work. What I turned up was, do something for 21 days and you will have formed a habit. I couldn't do something for 21 days. One to three was my pattern. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you do the bad habit. I couldn't remember to do it.
Here are the basics:
1) I had to have a good habit to replace the bad one.
2) The good habit had to be one I truly wanted - not just something I thought I "should" want.
3) I had to start ridiculously small.
4) I had to have lots of support from the people around me.
5) I had to make sure I understood what the bad habit was doing for me. I believe everything we do has purpose, but often the purpose is unconscious. For example, when I stopped smoking I learned that part of the reason I smoked was because I felt sophisticated and I saw non-smokers as kind of boring. That had to change.
6) The new habit needed to be in place every single day.
7) I needed to reward myself for the progress I made and stay off my case when I had a slip.
8) I learned to start over and never, ever, ever, give up.
Empowerment enhances the ability of individuals or organizations to make choices and transform those choices into positive outcomes. Empowered people have recognized their own value and strength and their capacity to handle life's problems. In turn they are better able to influence the course of their lives. With information and support, most people can find within themselves the power to direct their lives and reach their dreams.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Habits that Enhance Our Lives
I just finished reading "The Power of Habits" by Charles Duhigg. It's been a best seller and I can see why. The author has included a lot of fascinating information about how habits influence both individual lives, social movements and companies. It's a very interesting read.
On the down side, I thought some of the examples were off base and somewhat forced when it came to organizations. I am familiar with some of the examples and just didn't see what they read into it.
However, there are some really useful ideas about habits in the book. My experience definitely agrees with what they say about how habits affect our lives. The percentage they used was 40% of the time we are operating out of habit. I would have said more than 50% of the time but whatever. Since we are on automatic pilot when we're acting out of habit, those habits had better be good ones or our lives will not be what we would wish them to be.
The difficulty comes when we try to change our habits. According to the author, our brains actually change when we form a habit and the change is there forever. In order to change a habit, an overlay has to form to obscure the old habit and form the new one.
To form a new habit, it must be attached to a habit we already have and want to keep. For example, if we want to form the habit of exercising, the first thing is to determine when we want to do it. Right after our first two cups of coffee, for example. The coffee is firmly in place and exercising immediately after anchors the new habit in time. That's called a "cue." Without a cue to start a new habit, it's not going to happen.
Then by repetition a routine develops. The more it's repeated, the more ingrained it becomes. Then the new habit shows up in the brain as strongly as the old habit. Of course, if the routine stops, the old habit comes to the surface and fills in the space where the new one was.
There has to be a reward for the new habit to stay in place. It's not good enough that we "should" do the new habit. That doesn't work with our brain chemistry. For example, with exercise, it takes awhile for us to reap the rewards of being stronger and healthier. So, we'll need to find a way to reward ourselves for carrying out the habit if we want to stay motivated.
I wonder why more attention isn't paid to the skill of developing habits since so much of our quality of life is bound up in our habits. I know for myself I've often had really good intentions but forgot to carry them out. I put myself down and felt ashamed but I really didn't know what to do about it. This new information is a huge help.
On the down side, I thought some of the examples were off base and somewhat forced when it came to organizations. I am familiar with some of the examples and just didn't see what they read into it.
However, there are some really useful ideas about habits in the book. My experience definitely agrees with what they say about how habits affect our lives. The percentage they used was 40% of the time we are operating out of habit. I would have said more than 50% of the time but whatever. Since we are on automatic pilot when we're acting out of habit, those habits had better be good ones or our lives will not be what we would wish them to be.
The difficulty comes when we try to change our habits. According to the author, our brains actually change when we form a habit and the change is there forever. In order to change a habit, an overlay has to form to obscure the old habit and form the new one.
To form a new habit, it must be attached to a habit we already have and want to keep. For example, if we want to form the habit of exercising, the first thing is to determine when we want to do it. Right after our first two cups of coffee, for example. The coffee is firmly in place and exercising immediately after anchors the new habit in time. That's called a "cue." Without a cue to start a new habit, it's not going to happen.
Then by repetition a routine develops. The more it's repeated, the more ingrained it becomes. Then the new habit shows up in the brain as strongly as the old habit. Of course, if the routine stops, the old habit comes to the surface and fills in the space where the new one was.
There has to be a reward for the new habit to stay in place. It's not good enough that we "should" do the new habit. That doesn't work with our brain chemistry. For example, with exercise, it takes awhile for us to reap the rewards of being stronger and healthier. So, we'll need to find a way to reward ourselves for carrying out the habit if we want to stay motivated.
I wonder why more attention isn't paid to the skill of developing habits since so much of our quality of life is bound up in our habits. I know for myself I've often had really good intentions but forgot to carry them out. I put myself down and felt ashamed but I really didn't know what to do about it. This new information is a huge help.
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