Cheryl Richardson who has written several books that focus on self care, always adds the modifier "extreme." She says that her reason for that word is that just regular self care isn't nearly enough - especially not for women. We tend to think that self-care is taking our vitamins and exercising - things we will get to as soon as we get everything else done. But there's a lot more to self-care than that.
Luckily I started watching Oprah in the 1990s and Cheryl was a regular guest. As a result I started buying and reading her books. I may have all of them. I was amazed at the kind of self-care she was recommending - things like a weekly massage, leaving the office during lunch and going for a walk outside. Ideas like that were completely foreign to me at the time.
Cheryl convinced me that if I wanted to have a good life I had to put extreme self-care at the top of my to-do list, not at the bottom. So I began to try to do it. What a struggle that was - a war with myself and my mind.
I felt guilty and anxious when I took time to care for myself. Then I heard her speak at a university conference, and she said that you would know you were on the right track when you felt guilty. It was just a sign that you were going against your programming which was exactly what you were going to have to do.
Eventually, Cheryl said, you would get used to caring for yourself and the guilt and anxiety would go away. She was right. There are other benefits to self-care besides a higher quality life - other people enjoy the new you - lighter, happier, and more fun.
Empowerment enhances the ability of individuals or organizations to make choices and transform those choices into positive outcomes. Empowered people have recognized their own value and strength and their capacity to handle life's problems. In turn they are better able to influence the course of their lives. With information and support, most people can find within themselves the power to direct their lives and reach their dreams.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Why I Love Simplicity
My love for simplicity came to me both naturally and slowly. A very, very long time ago I came across information about the way Japanese people arranged their homes. I had a book of pictures that my aunt and uncle brought back from Japan where they were stationed after World War II.
The simplicity of those homes seemed perfect to me; the way homes ought to be. So maybe the desire for simplicity was just innate in me. As time went on I was overtaken with the messiness of raising children. There's not much desire for simplicity in their hearts and minds and I lacked the energy to even try to create it. In addition, there's a good chance I have attention deficit disorder and am a basically messy person. So, for most of my adult life, my environment was cluttered to the max.
The effect of the clutter was that I felt stressed by it. It caught my eyes and attention constantly and although I always felt urged to do something about it, I was always on my way to do something more important.
Then more time went by and I had a 60 hour a week job and a sick husband who was not motivated to put things away. So the clutter remained and was only dealt with if I was having company. What usually happened was that I worked like a dog to get rid of the clutter on the day that company was coming and then was so tired while they were there that I fell asleep in my chair while they were visiting.
In my search for an easier life I eventually came across the concept of doing tasks in tiny short bursts, a little bit at a time. By setting a timer for anywhere between five and fifteen minutes, I was able to deal with clutter over a period of time. So in this latter period of my life, my environment is pretty simple.
It really is worth the small amount of trouble it is to spend five to fifteen minutes a day keeping things fairly simple. The result is that the inside of my head is quiet when I move through a room. There's nothing in my way. There's nothing to do in that room. I enjoy the spaciousness and clear surfaces. The fewer things that are in a room, the more I can enjoy the things that are in the room.
It makes a much easier life for me with time and energy for the things that are important. For me there is much beauty in clear, simple spaces.
The simplicity of those homes seemed perfect to me; the way homes ought to be. So maybe the desire for simplicity was just innate in me. As time went on I was overtaken with the messiness of raising children. There's not much desire for simplicity in their hearts and minds and I lacked the energy to even try to create it. In addition, there's a good chance I have attention deficit disorder and am a basically messy person. So, for most of my adult life, my environment was cluttered to the max.
The effect of the clutter was that I felt stressed by it. It caught my eyes and attention constantly and although I always felt urged to do something about it, I was always on my way to do something more important.
Then more time went by and I had a 60 hour a week job and a sick husband who was not motivated to put things away. So the clutter remained and was only dealt with if I was having company. What usually happened was that I worked like a dog to get rid of the clutter on the day that company was coming and then was so tired while they were there that I fell asleep in my chair while they were visiting.
In my search for an easier life I eventually came across the concept of doing tasks in tiny short bursts, a little bit at a time. By setting a timer for anywhere between five and fifteen minutes, I was able to deal with clutter over a period of time. So in this latter period of my life, my environment is pretty simple.
It really is worth the small amount of trouble it is to spend five to fifteen minutes a day keeping things fairly simple. The result is that the inside of my head is quiet when I move through a room. There's nothing in my way. There's nothing to do in that room. I enjoy the spaciousness and clear surfaces. The fewer things that are in a room, the more I can enjoy the things that are in the room.
It makes a much easier life for me with time and energy for the things that are important. For me there is much beauty in clear, simple spaces.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
She Got a Lot Done
"She got a lot done."
If we were being watched every day of our lives by other people, I think those watching us might think we wanted the above put on our tombstones.
I lived that way for a large part of my life. I woke up every day with a to-do list running through my head, vibrating with stress and adrenaline. I ran as hard as I could, trying desperately to get everything done because I had the horrible terror that the consequences of not getting everything done would be a disaster.
There were some disasters but not because I hadn't gotten everything done. They occurred because I was running in circles and not watching out.
Of course, I did not get everything done. The list was way too long in the first place and in the second place I was disorganized and confused. I had no priorities; I just tried to do everything at once. Every moment of every day I felt like a failure because I had not done even half of the stuff on my list.
I kept up this kind of life until middle age when I absolutely could not do it anymore. Then I had to research, study and practice to relearn how to do life differently.
It's my belief that many, many of us are living this kind of life - a life commonly called "a rat race." As a result we are thinking that the "life of our dreams" would be one in which we finally finished our to do list every day. But this is not going to happen.
It probably wouldn't have been possible to finish a to do list even in the distant past in a hunter/gatherer society although we might have been able to come close if we had the self-discipline to limit the ideas we had for things to do. It was a much simpler life and the number of options for things to do was much simpler. But we humans have such big brains and so much creativity, it still might have been possible to overwhelm ourselves with too much to do.
Currently, the number of things to do every day would probably take the entire population of the earth a whole year to finish. So there's no use at all of trying to finish a to do list. So since it's impossible, what can we do instead?
For starters: 1) Slow down 2) Breathe 3) Give prayerful thought to what three things you could do that would really make a difference in your life - they could be relatively small things like getting some vegetable to eat. 4) Then do those three things before you do anything else.
If we were being watched every day of our lives by other people, I think those watching us might think we wanted the above put on our tombstones.
I lived that way for a large part of my life. I woke up every day with a to-do list running through my head, vibrating with stress and adrenaline. I ran as hard as I could, trying desperately to get everything done because I had the horrible terror that the consequences of not getting everything done would be a disaster.
There were some disasters but not because I hadn't gotten everything done. They occurred because I was running in circles and not watching out.
Of course, I did not get everything done. The list was way too long in the first place and in the second place I was disorganized and confused. I had no priorities; I just tried to do everything at once. Every moment of every day I felt like a failure because I had not done even half of the stuff on my list.
I kept up this kind of life until middle age when I absolutely could not do it anymore. Then I had to research, study and practice to relearn how to do life differently.
It's my belief that many, many of us are living this kind of life - a life commonly called "a rat race." As a result we are thinking that the "life of our dreams" would be one in which we finally finished our to do list every day. But this is not going to happen.
It probably wouldn't have been possible to finish a to do list even in the distant past in a hunter/gatherer society although we might have been able to come close if we had the self-discipline to limit the ideas we had for things to do. It was a much simpler life and the number of options for things to do was much simpler. But we humans have such big brains and so much creativity, it still might have been possible to overwhelm ourselves with too much to do.
Currently, the number of things to do every day would probably take the entire population of the earth a whole year to finish. So there's no use at all of trying to finish a to do list. So since it's impossible, what can we do instead?
For starters: 1) Slow down 2) Breathe 3) Give prayerful thought to what three things you could do that would really make a difference in your life - they could be relatively small things like getting some vegetable to eat. 4) Then do those three things before you do anything else.
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