What's the Point?

Somewhere in midlife many of us ask ourselves why we're doing everything we're doing.  The point of it all seems to elude us.  Sometimes we're raising children and we see that as the point.  Maybe we're trying to get ahead financially and we see that as the point.  We usually have a long list of "points" as to why we're doing what we're doing.  But we might be unsure as to what the REAL point is.

But what if the point is what Samuel Johnson said, "To be happy at home is the result of all ambition."  That might change our whole outlook.  In thinking about this I had to ask myself - where am I going to be happy if not at home?  If I'm not happy at home, why not?  What do I need to do to be happy at home?  When am I going to get started on making myself (and anyone else who lives here) happy at home?

The answers will vary from person to person.  Some examples might be:  beautiful surroundings, peace and quiet, simplicity, fun things to do, music, children playing, creative activities.  Everyone will have to answer for him/herself.  But isn't it one of the most important questions you could ever answer?

Attitude of Gratitude

I just read something from someone's post on Facebook about some research on the brain.  We used to believe that we were born with all our brain cells and that if we lost some, we never got any back.  The new ways of imaging the brain have taught us that this isn't true.  Some brain studies show that people who practice gratitude as a spiritual practice actually grow a larger part of the brain that's responsible for positive feelings.  Imagine that!   Of course, spiritual gurus have been telling us for centuries that if we focused on the positive, we would be happier, but we weren't paying much attention.  Maybe with all the scientific studies proving this, we'll start paying attention.  Surely if we want to have the life of our dreams, we will need to train ourselves to appreciate the one we have!

How to Cook a Wolf

During downturns in the economy, I like to read Sara Ban Breathmach's Simple Abundance.  She wrote it during the downturn of the 90s and it's stilll valuable today. She refers to "How to Cook a Wolf" by M.F.K. Fisher who wrote that book during the food shortages of World War II.  How quickly we forget that "what goes up, must come down."  We don't make preparations for downturns.  It's as if we think "what goes up, will keep going up."  However, it's wise to prepare for a wolf at the door as part of our plan for the life of our dreams.  Ms. Fisher recommends outsmarting and catching the wolf at at the door and having it for supper.  In other words, expect and be prepared for downturns by living without extravagant indulgences - without even the longing for them.

Freedom from Expectations

This is a day late for Independence Day.  However, in the spirit of independence, I want to share that much of the feeling of bondage I used to have came from my expectations of how things are "supposed" to be.  In recovery groups, it's said that expectations are premeditated resentments.  My expectations kept me from spending time and energy on living the life of my dreams.

Here's the truth I've discovered - expectations come from my ego - my idea of how other people are supposed to behave.  When they don't behave the way I expect, I feel justified in being angry and feeling superior (my ego loves to feel superior).  Never in my life have I ever felt happy and peaceful while feeling superior.   I feel happy and peaceful when I let go of expectations, live from my heart rather than from my ego, and enjoy what is, moment by moment.

" Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise."  -Alice Walker

More on Changing Bad Habits

I'm not sure why changing habits is so hard for us human beings but it is.  I can't be the only one since if you Google "Changing Bad Habits to Good Ones" you will come up with a ton of advice.  When I do research I like to see what all of the advice posts have in common.  Here are some of the major ones that I can vouch for that work:

1.  Research your bad habits - when do you practice them, what do you do right before you practice them, what need are you trying to meet?  Most advice calls this researching your "triggers."  Triggers are what "triggers" the behavior.  For example, my overeating takes place in the evening when I'm not active.  It may be that I'm bored. 

2.  Choose something to replace the trigger and the habit.  Just stopping doing something doesn't work.  There has to be something positive to replace it that satisfies the need.  For example, I can replace my evening overeating with activity - maybe yoga, going for a walk, going out with friends.  Eventually, I may be able to stay home and watch t.v. without overeating, but practicing the replacements willl make it easier when the time comes

3.  Be consistent with using the replacement.  Much of the advice recommends a 30 day trial.  If you miss a day, start the 30 days over.

4.  Put some leverage into the new habit.  Try having people sponsor you - for every day you exercise, for every pound you lose, etc.  Give the money to your favorite charity.  Or vice versa:  Give a trusted friend a sum of money - enough that losing it would hurt.  You only get it back when you've completed the 30 days (consistently).

How to Change Your Bad Habits

Sometimes it seems to me that I have devoted my life to changing my habits.  I can't remember a time when I wasn't working on something, and as I've aged, I find the effort to live more delightfully and consciously immensely entertaining and rewarding.  In the beginning I tried to change out of ego and shame.  I thought I wasn't good enough and wanted to change so as to be able to approve of myself and get approval from other people.  Those motives never really helped me change.  As I've read and practiced and learned, I've found that creating a life of awareness and peace is much more motivating.  So here's a list of some of the ways that have helped me make positive changes in myself:

• Set goals with deadlines but only set goals that are so easy and simple you can't help but reach them.  Baby steps really work.
• Write goals down and look at them every day.
• Never, never, never, ever give up.
• Tell all the supportive people in your life what you're doing and report back to them.
• Find someone or more than one someone who has already made the change you're working on.  Ask them how they did it and do what they did.
• Prepare ahead of time.  If, for example, you want to eat more nutritiously, find receipes and buy the food.
• Expect to be uncomfortable.  Change is uncomfortable.  Make a plan for how you're going to deal with the discomfort.  Examples:  Get plenty of rest - change takes a lot of energy.  Read stuff that inspires you. 
• Expect to be imperfect.  Don't be a slacker but don't quit if you mess up.
• One of the reasons change is difficult is that our egos interpret it as criticism.  Remind yourself of why you're making the change.  Examples, to have more energy, to enjoy life more, to learn new things, to increase peace of mind.

These are just a few of the strategies that I've used that worked.  Do some research of your own.

How to Have a 25 Hour Day

I stole the above title from an email I get from an organization that provides information on health.  It's not the first time I've seen all the hints they published, but they are all things I always forget.  Of course, there are really only 24 hours in every day, but there are tons of ways to make those 24 hours go farther.  For example, if I make soup, I double the recipe and freeze the second portion.  That's one day I don't have to cook and cooking twice as much is only a tiny bit more time consuming than making the original recipe.  I only check email and Facebook twice a day.  I don't drive to the car wash - I just soap my car up when it rains and let the rain rinse it.  (If there's no rain, I just use the hose.)  I do all my errands at once.  (Saves time in running from one place to the next every day).  I return calls once a day.  I ask for help a lot.  People who come to visit are usually asked to help me with something.  (I keep a list of stuff I need help with.)  I open the mail as soon as I carry it in and throw out all the stuff that doesn't require action.  There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of web sites that give ideas for time savers.  If you feel pressed for time, look them up and use the ones that fit for you.