- My boss criticizes me
- My job is too difficult
- My spouse/partner/significant other doesn't treat me right
- I don't have enough money to cover all my obligations
- My children don't behave
- My health is bad
- I have no time for myself; no time to have fun
There are plenty more common complaints but these will do for starters. So let's pretend I'm your mentor or that you are going to learn how to be your own mentor (I don't advise this in the long run).
Face the Truth. To begin, ask yourself whether these complaints are actually true or whether you've exaggerated. If they really are true, it's very important to begin by accepting the truth. Sometimes we just hate something so much that from time to time we go into denial and start believing that things are not really so bad. If they are that bad, it's time to face the truth. By facing the truth you've put yourself at the starting gate for creating the life of your dreams.
Do You Know What's Wanted and Needed? All of the above complaints could be problems because you don't have correct or sufficient information. For example, do you actually know what your boss wants you to do or not do? I heard once that the secret to success in any job is to give them what they want and need (unless it's illegal, immoral, dangerous, etc.). After all they are paying you to do what they want and need. Sometimes what they want and need isn't even clear to them or they actually want you to do something other than what they say. It can be complicated to find out what is wanted and needed. It is a very important skill you can develop that will serve you in a lot of situations - learn to discover what people want and need. It will take some time. Be observant. Ask a few, gentle questions. Make some guesses and try out new behaviors. Eventually you'll have a good understanding of what is wanted and needed. Once you are clear, then you can ask yourself if you have the ability, skills and values that are required to do what they're paying you for. If you do, then go for it. If you don't, maybe it's time to acquire them. Or maybe it's time to look for another job.
Learn to Ask for What You Want Instead of Complaining. Another example - do you know how to clearly ask for what you want of your partner? I do not mean complaining. I don't believe there are very many human beings that listen long to a complainer. An example of a request rather than a complaint: "If you're going to be late, would you give me a call?" It may be that you just haven't asked. Or maybe you've complained a hundred times and he/she is sick of your "demands." Take a good look. I've heard that you should only ask for what you want once. If you ask more than that, you are controlling or manipulating. You may have an unreasonable partner in this area and that has led you to try to control. It doesn't work. Quit. Try negotiating. Ask what would be required for your partner to call if he/she is going to be late. There's undoubtedly a reason why he/she doesn't want to call. See if you can use the technique you learned with your boss to understand his/her perspective. If this doesn't work, you may need to ask yourself if it's that important to you in the big picture of the relationship. If it's not that important, maybe the solution is to accept the person as he/she is. On the other hand, if it is that important, and he or she is unreasonable in other situations too....well, it's time to ask yourself if you really want to be with an unreasonable person who doesn't respect your needs and wants.
Money Problems are a Piece of Cake - Except for the Emotions that are Attached. Then there's the money complaint. There are all sorts of money problems. Maybe you have more obligations than income. Simple solutions: increase your income or reduce your obligations or both (this is the best one). Borrowing money is not the solution. Getting someone to give you some of their money is not the solution. I wish there were more interesting solutions but money problems are very simple to solve. The trouble is most of us have a lot of emotional issues around money that keep us confused and in denial. Get help and information. Get out of denial. Make some adult decisions and carry them out.
What DOES a Good Parent Do? So, you believe your children misbehave. Are you sure you have all the information you need to be a good parent? It's relatively rare for people to take parenting classes. We seem to think that we should just know how to parent. We end up just parenting the way we were parented and our parents parented the way they were parented, etc. This is the most important job in the whole world and children don't come with instructions. No wonder you're having problems. Get help. Get information about how to parent. Use the skill you learned with your boss and partner and find out what your children want and need.
Do What You Can About Your Health and Then Love Life Anyway. Bad health is no fun. For many of us there never seems to be much we can do about it except go to the doctor and take whatever medicine is prescribed. Once again, you may lack information about what you can do to improve your health. Certainly a healthy diet, some form of exercise, and meditation or some other way of reducing stress couldn't hurt, right? If you are already doing whatever you can to improve your health, then acceptance is next. There are probably folks in the world who have it even worse that you do who are still living the life of their dreams. See if you can find some of them and discover what their secret is. Get help. Get support. Accept.
Priority Management Instead of Time Management. As far as time is concerned, everyone actually has the same amount of time - 24 hours a day. There's a whole set of skills for setting priorities for time use that you can learn. There are tons of books, coaches, all sorts of help. Everyone needs time for themselves and time for fun. Set out to get it!
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