The Invisible Gorilla

I'm reading a book with the above title which refers to an experiment where the subjects were watching a basketball game on video and their assignment was to count the passes between players.  In the middle of the video a person in a gorilla suit walked across the scene.  When asked, only 25% of the subjects even saw the gorilla.  The book covers a variety of similar experiments one of which showed that the more over confident one is, the less capability one has!  Another experiment compared the capability of groups who guessed the number of jelly beans in a jar.  If the group functioned by each member writing down his/her guess and then averaging the guesses in the group, that group did far and away the best - compared to the groups who discussed their guesses.  In the latter group, the most outgoing member usually took control and it was his/her guess that ended up being the group's guess. 

The point that came across to me was that we all should be careful to become knowledgeable before we make decisions.  We may "feel" capable and may even feel more capable after we've consulted someone else, but we may be like most people and have an illusion about our capability and even if we've consulted someone else, it may be that person is no more knowledgeable than we are.  A lot of what we think we know is just opinion and/or familiarity and does not provide us what we need to make good decisions.  An example given in the book was that of a student who has read the material several times that he/she will be tested on.  So, the student is familiar with the material.  The problem is that he/she will not necessarily have understanding of the material which is what the test will measure.

To reach goals that will take us to the life of our dreams, knowledge and understanding of the steps to take are invaluable.  Consulting others is only useful if we're sure they are truly knowledgeable!

Juggling

Adding new activities to our daily routines can be a challenge for many of us since almost all of us are overloaded already.  Sometimes our wishful thinking makes us believe that we can add things without figuring out how they will fit in the time available.  Since we were already stressed, we soon drop these new activities because we become more stressed even though we want very much to do these new and wonderful things.

Creating the life of our dreams requires the "elbow grease" of looking at the hours in the day, how long each activity really takes, and determining where new things could fit.  The first place to look is at the activities that don't really add to our quality of life.  In my case, that would be playing solitaire on the computer.  Now that's not a bad thing, it just doesn't add to the quality of my life.  It serves the purpose of giving my brain and body a rest. 

However, there are more effective ways of resting that really improve the quality of my life.  I've found that lying on my back on the living room rug with earphones on, listening to lovely music, with a scented candle burning, and gently stretching my muscles, refreshes me more than solitaire.  Plus it adds to the quality of my life in a big way.

The next place to look for time is in areas where I could streamline.  I've actually found books that show how to streamline the daily maintenance of homes and other areas of life like errands.  It's amazing how doing a little study ahead of time and doing these chores in an organized way can add hours to the day.

The next place to look is at things I can get help with or delegate all together.  Asking for help or even buying help is often worth it for the hours I can add to my daily life that add to my quality of life.

My favorite time saver is just doing things in a mediocre or sloppy way.  I don't feel bad about this anymore at all.  For example, I clean out closets like this:  I stand in front of the open closet.  I look for things I don't want any more, pull them out and put them in a trash bag.  I put the trash bag in the garage and call one of the charities that pick stuff up.  This whole activity takes about 15 minutes.  I probably miss some stuff.  So what.  In the past I've spent whole days on this type of activity.  I regret that time - it didn't add to my quality of life at all.  I can't tell much difference in my closets now that I don't do that.  When they get too full, I take stuff out and give it away.  I spend a tiny bit of time on it and move on to better things.

There's a lot to be said for the later years in life.  Right now I am appreciating my awareness of how little time I have left to live and I am even more dedicated than ever to making sure every bit of it is used for good!

Thought for the Day

In creating the life of our dreams, we may learn many unexpected things.  For example, "Our true gift to ourselves and others lies not in what we have but who we are."  Marianne Williamson. 

Many of us start out to create the life of our dreams thinking that our possessions, education, social status and other "American dream" goals are the things that will make up the life of our dreams.  The more we succeed at creating these things, the more we may notice that we still don't feel like we have the life of our dreams.  Then we may need to change our focus.  This doesn't mean we've failed; it means we've learned what's really important to us.

Changing

In "The Four Agreements Companion Book," Don Miguel Ruiz (the author) answers a question from a reader.  She asks why it is so hard to change; why she makes progress and then reverts to old behavior.  Don Miguel answers by saying that it's her old agreements (beliefs about herself) that cause this.  There is a part of her (he calls it the parasite) that wants her to stay the same, to stay miserable.  The parasite tells her she is not worth being happy.  These beliefs or agreements as Don Miguel calls them, were learned in childhood.  It's not easy to change them but it's worth it. 

I believe this is why change - especially positive change is so hard for all of us.  These are the biggest barriers we have to creating the life of our dreams.  Changing our beliefs about ourselves that we learned in childhood may be the most difficult task we will ever have in life.  Don Miguel says in "The Four Agreements" that there are no guarantees that we will fully accomplish this task in our lifetime.  He says it's a war we should fight anyway.  He calls those of us who make this commitment to ourselves, "warriors." 

What else have we got to do with the rest of our lives anyway?  Let's be warriors and have the courage to fight for the life of our dreams.

Disappointments, Mistakes, Setbacks and Other Disasters

Guess what - you are going to run into problems on the way to the life of your dreams and even after you've acheived the life of your dreams, there will be difficulties.  On the way to an important appointment, you'll run over something in the street and blow a tire.  You'll fall in love with someone who isn't who she/he says he/she is.  You'll make a mistake and lose an important client.  You'll get the flu right in the middle of a much anticipated cruise.  Getting the life of your dreams will not mean smooth sailing all the time. 

So - what to do?  Recent research suggests that happy people who are living the life of their dreams aren't bothered very much by "disasters."   They make use of them.  They learn from them.  They look for the gifts in them.  They look to see if they need to make changes in their lives.  They learn to "go with the flow" instead of expecting everything to go well all the time.  They try to find the fun in everything. 

I saw an Oprah show several years ago about people who were turning disasters into good experiences as best they could.  One woman had been diagnosed with cancer and was having chemo.  She knew she was going to lose her hair.  So her husband, her friends and she went to the barber shop and they all had their heads shaved.  Her friends took turns taking her to chemo. They chose books they wanted to read and whichever friend took her to chemo read to her while she was having it and if she was sick they kept reading.  This plan turned a difficult experience in an opportunity to share with her friends.  Of course, having cancer and chemo isn't fun, but planning enjoyment along with difficulty sure makes things a lot better! 

I hope none of us has to deal with cancer and the setbacks are only such things as flat tires, but the same principle applies.  Why not find ways to enjoyment no matter what?

Theme Song

Here are the lyrics to a song performed by Lee Ann Womack that could be our theme song on our journey to the life of our dreams:

I hope you hever lose your sense of wonder; get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger.  May you never take one single breath for granted; God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed. 

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.  Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance; I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance. livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin.'  Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth making'.  Don't let some broken heart leave you bitter; when you come close to sellin' out...reconsider.  Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...

I hope you dance; I hope you dance.

When Nothing is Going Right

You had a flat tire on the way home from work. You put clothes in the washer before you went to bed and when you got up the washing machine had not washed them. The cat threw up right in the middle of the living room rug and everyone coming and going stepped in it and tracked it everywhere. The phone calls you made to get your project started came to nothing. Either they weren't interested or they just didn't call back. So...perhaps it's a sign from the universe that it's time for you to take a break. Get some extra sleep. Eat a bunch of vegetables and fruit. Read a book that's an easy read. Go to a light-hearted movie. I read somewhere once that when nothing is going right, it's the universe trying to distract us because something wonderful is about to happen and it doesn't want us to interfere!