Simplicity for Christmas

I guess there are some people who sail through the holidays, peacefully, smoothly with joy in their hearts.  They probably buy the perfect gifts for their loved ones.  They love Christmas music no matter how often they hear it.  The incessant advertising doesn't bother them at all.  They have a Christmas card list with hundreds of names and the cards are all ready to mail on December 1st. 

These folks probably also have kids and full time jobs but they are just very well organized and need very little sleep.  Also they have very high energy.  The bills that come in in January don't show any increase because they've saved all year for Christmas and did not run up their credit cards.

 These people have to exist - so many of us are trying to be like them.

So far, though, I've not met anybody that fits the above description. 

As for me, my main problem with the holidays - especially Christmas - is the feeling that I'm failing to do it right; that the presents I buy will not be what they want, etc.  Sometimes Christmas cards went out after Christmas.

I felt like everyone was disappointed - especially when I was a young mother and wanted to please my kids so badly but had so little money that we strung popcorn, cranberries, and paper chains to decorate the Christmas tree.  For a long time I let the sadness I felt at Christmas follow me year after year.

I was raised by schoolteachers which had the effect of teaching me that somewhere, someplace were solutions for my problems.  Since these were the days a way long time before Google, I had to go to the library and ask people.  I began to come up with some solutions from reading books and getting ideas for other people.  I started earlier in the year and put back money.  I talked to my kids about limited resources to let them know they weren't loved less if they didn't get everything they wanted.  I made jokes about being the "grinch." 

Now I've completed a lot of research and have developed a philosophy for myself - not for anybody else - about Christmas which I will share a little of here.  IF you want simplicity at Christmas like I do, you might try some of these things:

*  Make a list of everything you do for Christmas.  Cross out the ones that aren't fun for you and only do the fun things.  If you are sharing the holiday with someone else, have them do the same thing.  You can each do fun things from the other's list.

*  Christmas cards.  Would it be just as much fun to send Valentines instead?

*  To reduce waste and unwanted gifts, try consumables (food, movie tickets, gift cards from their favorite stores and restaurants.)

* Sacks and decorated boxes can simplify wrapping and waste.  The "wrapping" can be used again.

*  Focus on the things you love about Christmas.  For example, I love Christmas music - especially instrumental music.  I have a small collection of favorite CDs and I listen to them in the car.  I attend a church production (free) of the Messiah every year.

Check out simple Christmases on line and get more ideas.  Have fun instead of stress this year.

A Life Built on Intention

A long, long, long time ago I went to a seminar that was extremely unusual.  I had no idea what I was getting into - my neighbor recommended it and since I felt like I was living in hell emotionally I went.  It was definitely a transformative experience as I guess it was for a lot of people.  The thing is, there was no follow up to speak of to help use what we had learned. As a result, like a lot of things, my awareness faded to some sparkles on the background of my life.

Just the other day, though, I heard the word, "intention" which was the center of the seminar's teaching.  I was reminded that my normal way of living was to kind of float through the day or struggle through the day, whichever seems to be the way it had to be.  Of course I had goals that I worked on, but I only thought about "intention" when I was working on those goals.  The seminar taught me to have a CONSCIOUS intention for everything.  All of us have unconscious intentions and those intentions may or may not be in our best interests.  Conscious intentions cause me to give prayerful thought to why I'm doing whatever it is I plan to do.

Questions to answer in order to set an intention:  What is my intention for this day?  What is my intention for the conversation I'm having with_______?  What is my intention for this trip to the grocery store?  And so forth.  It's best if I don't have an intention like, "to get it over with."  Often that's the kind of unconscious intention I have and I don't get that great of results that way.  What if my intention were "to have a peaceful, loving day."  Keeping that intention in mind will bear amazing results.  So will all my thoughtful intentions.

A Secret Experiment of the Every Day

"To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts."  - Henry David Thoreau

Let's take Sarah Ban Breathnach's advice and become "artists of the everyday."  She suggests conducting a secret experiment to see just how much influence we can have on the quality of each day - to try to elevate the simple to the level of sacred. 

Here's a summary of what she discovered:  It doesn't matter what the weather is like (you can still have a quality day), the same is true as to whether there are problems in the day - that doesn't matter either.  What does matter:  if we expect to have a quality day, there's a good chance we will.  An attitude adjustment/shift in perception is all that's needed to turn a lousy day into a quality day.  The next biggest factor is the amount of creativity, love and enthusiasm we put into the day.

Ideas:   Appreciate the small rituals of each day - crossing the threshold on the way out and the way in.  Changing into comfortable clothes, dressing for the day, starting a good book, watching a movie with family, touching glasses in a toast at breakfast to wish each other a quality day.  You can think of many, many more.

What's the Point?

Somewhere in midlife many of us ask ourselves why we're doing everything we're doing.  The point of it all seems to elude us.  Sometimes we're raising children and we see that as the point.  Maybe we're trying to get ahead financially and we see that as the point.  We usually have a long list of "points" as to why we're doing what we're doing.  But we might be unsure as to what the REAL point is.

But what if the point is what Samuel Johnson said, "To be happy at home is the result of all ambition."  That might change our whole outlook.  In thinking about this I had to ask myself - where am I going to be happy if not at home?  If I'm not happy at home, why not?  What do I need to do to be happy at home?  When am I going to get started on making myself (and anyone else who lives here) happy at home?

The answers will vary from person to person.  Some examples might be:  beautiful surroundings, peace and quiet, simplicity, fun things to do, music, children playing, creative activities.  Everyone will have to answer for him/herself.  But isn't it one of the most important questions you could ever answer?

Attitude of Gratitude

I just read something from someone's post on Facebook about some research on the brain.  We used to believe that we were born with all our brain cells and that if we lost some, we never got any back.  The new ways of imaging the brain have taught us that this isn't true.  Some brain studies show that people who practice gratitude as a spiritual practice actually grow a larger part of the brain that's responsible for positive feelings.  Imagine that!   Of course, spiritual gurus have been telling us for centuries that if we focused on the positive, we would be happier, but we weren't paying much attention.  Maybe with all the scientific studies proving this, we'll start paying attention.  Surely if we want to have the life of our dreams, we will need to train ourselves to appreciate the one we have!

How to Cook a Wolf

During downturns in the economy, I like to read Sara Ban Breathmach's Simple Abundance.  She wrote it during the downturn of the 90s and it's stilll valuable today. She refers to "How to Cook a Wolf" by M.F.K. Fisher who wrote that book during the food shortages of World War II.  How quickly we forget that "what goes up, must come down."  We don't make preparations for downturns.  It's as if we think "what goes up, will keep going up."  However, it's wise to prepare for a wolf at the door as part of our plan for the life of our dreams.  Ms. Fisher recommends outsmarting and catching the wolf at at the door and having it for supper.  In other words, expect and be prepared for downturns by living without extravagant indulgences - without even the longing for them.

Freedom from Expectations

This is a day late for Independence Day.  However, in the spirit of independence, I want to share that much of the feeling of bondage I used to have came from my expectations of how things are "supposed" to be.  In recovery groups, it's said that expectations are premeditated resentments.  My expectations kept me from spending time and energy on living the life of my dreams.

Here's the truth I've discovered - expectations come from my ego - my idea of how other people are supposed to behave.  When they don't behave the way I expect, I feel justified in being angry and feeling superior (my ego loves to feel superior).  Never in my life have I ever felt happy and peaceful while feeling superior.   I feel happy and peaceful when I let go of expectations, live from my heart rather than from my ego, and enjoy what is, moment by moment.

" Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise."  -Alice Walker