Everybody has problems, right? Some of them have been with you your whole life if you're anything like me. Maybe you're consistently overweight. Maybe you have consistent money problems. Maybe you're worried about your kids. Maybe you have a chronic back problem you can't find a solution for. There are a great many of these typical problems that people in general typically have. Maybe they are so pervasive in your life you've forgotten that they are problems.
Be suspicious! Be very suspicious of these problems. There's a good chance they're a cover for your real problems and that's why you haven't solved them.
Try this: Sit quietly and happily imagine that you have solved the chronic problems in your life and are now free to have the life of your dreams. How does that feel? What comes to mind? For a lot of us, what comes to mind are the OTHER problems - an unhappy relationship, back taxes we owe, something we've done that we feel ashamed of, etc., etc. No wonder we've been focusing on the chronic ones.
What has worked for me was getting some support and help in dealing with the REAL problems. Then the others seem to melt away without my effort. It could be that I didn't need them to distract me any more so they just went away by themselves.
Empowerment enhances the ability of individuals or organizations to make choices and transform those choices into positive outcomes. Empowered people have recognized their own value and strength and their capacity to handle life's problems. In turn they are better able to influence the course of their lives. With information and support, most people can find within themselves the power to direct their lives and reach their dreams.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Making Peace with Money
"What does it mean to make peace with money? It means to create a relationship with money that is simple, comfotable, and free of stress, worry or pain; to create a relationship with money that is satisfying, even joyful." Jerrold Mundis. Making Peace with Money.
If you agree that making peace with money is going to be necessary for you to have the life of your dreams, then identifying your beliefs about money is going to be one of your first steps. In the last post, I detailed some information about the basics of money management. When I first learned these basics, I immediately tried to forget them because I was sure it was hopeless to actually accomplish them. I thought you had to have a whole bunch of money in the first place. I had a lot of other limiting beliefs that had been keeping me from taking the steps I needed to take in order to build a comfortable, satisfying financial life.
Try this exercise: Write this sentence and complete it: Money is___________. Keep writing it and completing it until you run out of things to write. Then take a look and see if any of those beliefs are actually true. For example, I believed that there were some people who had the ability to handle money, but that I wasn't one of them. I thought it took some kind of special talent. Turns out - it's not true. Handling money is easy. It's our beliefs that keep us from doing well.
If you agree that making peace with money is going to be necessary for you to have the life of your dreams, then identifying your beliefs about money is going to be one of your first steps. In the last post, I detailed some information about the basics of money management. When I first learned these basics, I immediately tried to forget them because I was sure it was hopeless to actually accomplish them. I thought you had to have a whole bunch of money in the first place. I had a lot of other limiting beliefs that had been keeping me from taking the steps I needed to take in order to build a comfortable, satisfying financial life.
Try this exercise: Write this sentence and complete it: Money is___________. Keep writing it and completing it until you run out of things to write. Then take a look and see if any of those beliefs are actually true. For example, I believed that there were some people who had the ability to handle money, but that I wasn't one of them. I thought it took some kind of special talent. Turns out - it's not true. Handling money is easy. It's our beliefs that keep us from doing well.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
More on money...
How much closer would you feel to the life of your dreams if you had:1. enough savings to cover your living expenses for a year in case you were unable to work.
2. you had no debt at all of any kind.
3 if you owned your home and your car free and clear.
4. a will plus all the other "end of life" documents so that if you become critically ill or when you die, your family and friends will find everything in order and will know what to do.
5. a balanced checkbook every month.
6. all your bills paid on time.
7. adequate insurance on your house, car and your life (so that anyone who depends on you financially would have replacement income). Disability insurance if you work in an occupation where you would be unable to continue to work if you were disabled.
8. a retirement plan you understood and that you knew was fully funded so that you could do as you pleased when you retired.
9. an investment plan that you understood and that met your needs and wants.
10. the ability to make all the above happen without winning the lottery or some other "pie in the sky" way.
What are you saying to yourself right now? Maybe you're like a lot of other people and are saying that none of those 10 things are possible in your current situation. Well, what's really true is that you and a lot of other people don't even like to think about those things, let alone try to make them happen. My suggestion is to think about those things in terms of how much less stress you would have on a daily basis if you had accomplished all those things AND how many opportunities for creating the life of your dreams you would have as well. Maybe then you would be motivated to get started on making them happen. Taking small steps every day toward these goals will eventually get you there. There are an amazing number of books out in the world that will give you the information to get there. Suze Orman has written a lot of them and there are plenty of others. My advice? Get going!!!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Money
I'm always amazed when I talk with the people I'm coaching about their goals, how many of them are struggling with money issues. The sad thing is that all of them are smart, capable, and seemingly well-balanced. However, they don't know the basics of money and their finances are in disarray. I've come to believe - based on my own experience and what other people tell me - that money holds so many emotional aspects for us that we avoid dealing with it. The basics of personal finance are actually pretty simple, but our emotional baggage keeps us from doing what we need to do.
Doing the things we need to do with our finances is vital to having the life of our dreams. One would think that that fact is obvious since if we're living in poverty we don't have the resources to develop the life of our dreams. But many of us have our heads in the sand and then wonder why we're not moving forward.
Doing the things we need to do with our finances is vital to having the life of our dreams. One would think that that fact is obvious since if we're living in poverty we don't have the resources to develop the life of our dreams. But many of us have our heads in the sand and then wonder why we're not moving forward.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Truth
The truth is we don't tell ourselves the truth on a consistent basis. When we don't, our lives go off in a direction we really don't like. One of the most amazing things we can do is stop for a few minutes every day, get quiet and tell ourselves the truth. How do I really feel? What's really going on in my life? What do I really want? Who am I blaming for not having what I really want? What could I do differently that would get me where I want to go?
The importance of this daily practice comes into clear focus when I remind myself that my time on the earth is short. The odds are that I won't die today or even tomorrow. But I could. And the day will come when I do. Telling myself the truth is vital for not wasting what time I have left.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The TRUTH
"There is no such thing as an evil or stupid feeling, though we sometimes do evil and stupid things in response to our feelings. We're in far more danger of doing this when we deny or minimize our darker impulses than wen we accept them honestly and fully." Martha Beck. The Joy Diet.
Little kids usually know the truth. So do cameras. The rest of us tend to lie to ourselves. If we're going to have the life of our dreams, we will need to sit quietly every day, and ask ourselves what the truth is - about ourselves, about our lives and about how we really feel. By doing this we will find our real selves. You know - the ones that know that love is the most important thing there is.
Little kids usually know the truth. So do cameras. The rest of us tend to lie to ourselves. If we're going to have the life of our dreams, we will need to sit quietly every day, and ask ourselves what the truth is - about ourselves, about our lives and about how we really feel. By doing this we will find our real selves. You know - the ones that know that love is the most important thing there is. 
Sunday, September 6, 2009
New Research on Procrastination!
"Short-term gain; long-term pain" is how Psychology Today magazine terms procrastination. Piers Steel at the University of Calgary reviewed 553 studies on procrastination. He concluded that procrastination stems from four variables: 1) The person's expectation of succeeding at the task 2) The value of the task 3) The person's need for immediate gratification 4) The person's impulsiveness.
Steele says the most powerful one of these variables is the person's impulsiveness. He thinks that we are dealing with modern life with hunter/gatherer brains. Our forebears needed food right now. Delayed gratification was not part of their lives. So, our brains are hard-wired toward immediate gratification. A third piece of chocolate cake trumps looking good in our swim suits next summer. Add to that all the modern distractions - email, facebook and the like - and you have a perfect environment for procrastination.
Now that we know more about what causes it, what are we going to do about it? For starters, we will need to learn to manage our emotions so that the anxiety we feel when confronting a task that is no fun and is hard, etc. doesn't derail our intention to do it because it will benefit us in the future. Using visual imagery of what we will gain at that future time from doing this task now will help bring the future into the present. Then, we will need to learn to ride out the difficult feelings we have about the task and not give in to feeling more like it tomorrow. Start anyway. Once we've started, we'll gain momentum. After that, be sure to isolate yourself from distractions plus get the information you need to do the task. Finally, research shows that willpower is like a muscle - the more you use it, the more powerful it becomes. Conversely, the more you give in to procrastination, the weaker your ability to regulate your behavior becomes. Mindful meditation helps too - learning to focus also strengthens your ability to regulate your behavior.
Overcoming procrastination - guess what?- brings you more and more quickly to the life of your dreams.
Steele says the most powerful one of these variables is the person's impulsiveness. He thinks that we are dealing with modern life with hunter/gatherer brains. Our forebears needed food right now. Delayed gratification was not part of their lives. So, our brains are hard-wired toward immediate gratification. A third piece of chocolate cake trumps looking good in our swim suits next summer. Add to that all the modern distractions - email, facebook and the like - and you have a perfect environment for procrastination.
Now that we know more about what causes it, what are we going to do about it? For starters, we will need to learn to manage our emotions so that the anxiety we feel when confronting a task that is no fun and is hard, etc. doesn't derail our intention to do it because it will benefit us in the future. Using visual imagery of what we will gain at that future time from doing this task now will help bring the future into the present. Then, we will need to learn to ride out the difficult feelings we have about the task and not give in to feeling more like it tomorrow. Start anyway. Once we've started, we'll gain momentum. After that, be sure to isolate yourself from distractions plus get the information you need to do the task. Finally, research shows that willpower is like a muscle - the more you use it, the more powerful it becomes. Conversely, the more you give in to procrastination, the weaker your ability to regulate your behavior becomes. Mindful meditation helps too - learning to focus also strengthens your ability to regulate your behavior.
Overcoming procrastination - guess what?- brings you more and more quickly to the life of your dreams.
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