Crisis

There seems to be a part of all of us that loves to create a crisis when things are starting to get good. I noticed this about myself when I was around 30 years old. The truth is - a friend and neighbor noticed it and pointed it out. I tried to argue but he just kept pointing out examples until I surrendered. This was the period of my life when I was trying to help people when I really had next to nothing to give and should have been focusing on helping myself. Other people's crises are my favorite things to get involved in instead of taking the action steps to the life of my dreams. I have a friend who calls this part of ourselves "the gremlin." Some people might call it "the devil." Whatever you call it, it is the enemy we must fight to get to the life of our dreams.

Healthy Self Examination

Healthy self-examination is an indispensable tool for creating the life of our dreams. I'm using the modifier "healthy" because the exercise shouldn't be about self-hate. What it should be about is a compassionate noticing of our human mistakes and flaws so that we can correct anything in us that is getting in the way of creating the life of our dreams. I'm not kidding around - this exercise is vital. I'm also not kidding around when I say that it's incredibly difficult and sometimes painful. It's a lot easier to do with practice but our egos never want us to see any of our mistakes and flaws, so getting acquainted with all the ego's ways of blinding us is part of the process.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life that were unbelieveably painful to face. They were mostly in the area of relationships with people that I love. I can testify, however, that beating myself up with guilt didn't help at all. Facing the mistakes I had made and making whatever amends I could was the only way to let the past go so that I could move forward. Now my daily practice is to look at my mistakes, correct anything that I can, and notice any patterns of behavior that come up. For example, I tend to be judgmental of other people. And the more judgmental I am, the more likely I am to tell somebody that I shouldn't. So, minding my thoughts and my tongue really pays off. I've learned that those people I'm judging are usually doing their best just like I am. They fall short; so do I.

Responsibility vs Negativity

Responsibility used to be a very scary word to me. The way I had heard it used caused me to believe it meant that if I was responsible, I had done something wrong and was being blamed. Later on in my journey, I was taught through a series of workshops on philosophies of life I attended, that responsibility meant I had total control of creating my life. Well, I thought that was pretty crazy. Anyone could see that stuff just happens, and I didn't create it. There were enough scary, bad things happening in my life that the thought that I was creating them was overwhelming. Very creepy.

As I studied more about the capabilities of us humans, I began to see that I still had it wrong. The first thing I heard was that I had "response ability" - the ability to respond. Then I began to see that I could envision my life in a different way and begin - within the confines of reality, of course - to create my life. Since then I have been able to do and be and experience so many wonderful things.

Self Interest or Service to Others

As mentioned in a previous post, I (and apparently a lot of other people too) was always taught that "getting ahead," etc. was what would make me happy. But then I was also taught that being unselfish and helping others was virtuous. To me those seemed mutually exclusive. So, I started out with the idea of service because I liked those people better than the self-service folks and wanted to be one of them. I did not find it as rewarding as I thought it would be. Of course, the problem was that I was trying to give what I did not have. However, since I didn't know that at the time I just jumped into the opposite and started looking out for my own self-interest and to heck with everybody else. Hmmm. That didn't work out the way I thought it would either. Pretty much everybody in my life got really tired of hanging out with me. Since I've been searching for answers for years and years, I've finally arrived somewhere with this. The thing is those two perspectives are actually NOT mutually exclusive. It isn't possible to give from emptiness. So, my foundation is my physical and mental health, my spiritual growth, my skills and my heart. From that foundation I have something to give. It's awfully logical. I can't imagine how I stayed so confused for so long. Maybe it's something that should be taught in 7th grade. I'm not going to have the life of my dreams unless I can operate in both perspectives.

The Joy of Failure

I've spent a lot of my life being afraid to try things because I knew I would fail at first. Of course, there's no possible way to learn anything new without having a ton of failures before success comes along. I still can't say that I get excited and happy about failure, but at least I don't freak out when I make mistakes.

I read once that Winston Churchill used to spend part of his vacation every year as a bricklayer. He actually apprenticed and became a professional bricklayer. By doing work with his hands for awhile, he was able to put aside the mental work he had to do the rest of the year. But, as I remember it, he said the more important reason was that he wasn't very good at being a bricklayer, and so he was able to keep his ego from growing too big from being a world leader.

I'm not a world leader but I am prone to thinking I'm awfully smart, which can lead to over confidence, which is a very not useful way to fail. So, trying new things and getting used to failure can be a spiritual exercise in humility while learning new skills leading to success.

Imagine....

"Reality is imagination that has persisted through every doubt." Ralph Marston

Can this actually be true? Think deeply about this. What are some things you have imagined that came true. I certainly hope they aren't negative things, but in fact, negative things imagined persistently can come true also. So, since we're imagining, why not imagine the life of our dreams - persistently through every doubt and see what happens?

Celebrate and Have Fun

I know. It's not the 4th of July. But why not celebrate and have fun anyway? Where did we get the idea that we had to be so serious. I guess our ancestors needed to be serious to make sure they survived. But did they? I've read that hunter/gatherer tribes, still in existence today, living like our ancestors, only work at getting their food two or three hours a day. The rest of the time, they play, nap and notice nature.

Some more ways to make sure you never get the life of your dreams:

Be sure to notice everything around you that you judge as not right. Also notice everything in yourself and in your life that you don't like. Keep a constant watch. When you notice, be sure to complain both to yourself and anyone who will listen. This way of thinking is very much a socially taught thing. I really don't believe that we would do this very much at all if we weren't taught to do it. Very little children rarely complain except when they're tired, hungry or afraid. Then, of course, they whine or yell and someone attends to their needs (usually). Maybe that's where it all starts. Our unconscious minds tell us that if we whine and complain, "someone" will come along and help us. But, sadly, that is not at all how it works. And all that complaining uses up our energy, intelligence and creativity that we need for creating the life of our dreams.

I can't because.... #3

I love this one. "I don't know how." I used to think that when I did anything new I was supposed to already know how. Therefore, unless I already knew how, I wasn't going to try it. I've heard that state of mind described as, "S.H.A.M.E. - Should Have Already Mastered Everything." Of course, this wasn't a conscious thought. It was mostly a feeling. However, it certainly has kept me from trying to do a lot of things. The only reason I don't believe it now is that on jobs I HAD to learn to do new things and fight the feeling that I was a loser because I didn't already know. Fear drove me forward. Now that I know better, I can just prepare to be uncomfortable for awhile and consider it a lesson in humility. I don't know everything. What a concept. There's no chance we're going to have the life of our dreams unless we get past the "I don't know how."